tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
