You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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