i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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