okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
