Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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