Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
