I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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