If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
