Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
