Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
