You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize