I just pynch a tree in the face
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
