i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
