I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
