She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
