I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
