you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
