saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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