I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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