I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
