I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
