Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
