I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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