do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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