I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
