They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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