I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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