NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ttyl tear gas
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
