you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
