I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
