as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
