i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
