she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
