M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
