went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this just has baby written all over it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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