smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
