I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
