hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
