Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
