Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
