so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
