he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
