She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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