I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize