I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
