I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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