Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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