dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
