if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
