I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
