My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
