singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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