are you still at the devil's house?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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