I am puke
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
