its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
