weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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