I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize