ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
