Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
