You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
