she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
