just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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