So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
