hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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