literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
