i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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