im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
