did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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