4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
