You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize